Should the father be having a discussion with the mother over how much she is contributing to the son's wedding?
My husband's son, (ie. my stepson) is getting married and we've told him how much we will be paying for the wedding. My husband, the groom's father is not on good terms with the mother of the groom. He seems more focused on how much she'll be paying for the wedding than on his son's wedding itself. I feel we should just let that be up to the mother and her son, but my husband thinks differently. Should there be a conversation between the mom and dad?
I tend to agree with you on this one, mainly because the focus of this wedding should be on your step-son and not on how much his mother may/may not pay for the wedding. Difficult as it may be for you, encourage your husband to focus on the gift he is giving his son instead of what others are doing. Let him know how much his son will appreciate his help in paying for the wedding and let's not taint the memories and his gift by focusing on the acts of others. After all, it is his son's wedding!
I would leave the conversation up to his son, mainly because it is his wedding and it would be respectful of dad to let him make that decision. Besides, he may or may not have already spoken to his mother about her contribution to the wedding without his father's knowledge so there isn't really much point in focusing on her.
Other things dad can focus on:*how his tuxedo/suit will look *how he'll be getting to the wedding ceremony and reception *how great he'll look in the wedding photos. Will he need a haircut and trim before then? *a speech he may want to say at the wedding reception